Wednesday, 20 May 2009

Changes Ahead

It's been a big week. I got a one-year job offer which means that not only do I have a job but also that I will be graduating this summer. That'll be Dr. MacCool to y'all. I don't want to get too specific here (except to clarify I'm not fixing anyone's broken arm, ok? it's not that kind of dr.) but this is going to be a really major milestone in my life, no question about it.

Since I got the news I've been through so many different emotions. Relief that I'll be earning money--I also got part-time summer work, hurray--being able to support myself and, ideally, my family has always been intensely important to me. I've been working pretty steadily at one thing or another, or more than one, since I was 16. I got some rejections this spring and had a little moment of panic. Part of what induced the 'crazy' of my mid-20s was the feeling that I had to have a certain level of gender conformity in order to be hired and to earn money. (I got this as a pretty clear, if covert, message at my first real job after college, so it wasn't just delusion.) Anyway, I refuse to go back to that place of fear and fake conformity, but it's a big relief to find that that doesn't require a total reinvention of my professional path, at least not this year.

Then, I'm excited about the work I'll be doing, and apprehensive about doing a good job. I'm afraid of leaving my fellow-grad-students behind (though honestly, the changes in my personal life in the last year or so have already done a pretty good job of that already). And I'm on guard lest the lure of succeeding at this job screws with my head the way that the first job did. I have a post brewing about my new year's resolution to be an asshole as necessary. I better write that to remind myself not to let it fall by the wayside in a quest to please my new colleagues & bosses.

Getting this job is slightly melancholy, too, because it represents the culmination, in a sense, of all of the hard work that was done mostly by a person who I now only dimly recognize as myself. I feel a strange urge to reach into the past and thank her a little, but also warn her I'm going to do something different with all this, not what she had planned at all.

This is probably an impossibly cryptic post to read. The point is this: I've been moaning about jobs & school here & on Twitter. I've gotten some awesome news. And, being me, it's complicated and I have to process it and stand at an angle from it, too, in addition to drinking champagne & smoking cigars.

22 comments:

greg said...

Good for you!!! I'm doing a little cheer for you over here! :)

Jess said...

This is awesome news. 2009 is a year of change for so many of us. I'm so hally that you've got a job, and that I'll be able to say "what's up doc?" really soon!

Jess said...

though hally is a cool word, that was supposed to be happy. I'm sure you know but I had to correct the typo.

LL Cool Joe said...

Jess's hally cracked me up! That's such a cool word! :D

My brother is a doctor, but not the medical kind. He has a PHD in bio-chemistry, which still confuses a great many people.

I also can relate to what you are saying about your job. As wonderful as it is, it's the end of an era and the start of a new one. Never easy saying goodbye even if it's for something far better.

I'll join you in a glass of champagne and a cigar!

Well done mate!

Saranga said...

Hi, first time commenter here but i've been reading you for a while. I just wanted to step in and say congratulations on the job :-)

Haizey said...

Congratulations Leo on the Job and the Dr too!

Janet said...

Congratulations

e said...

Oh Hally Day!

It's great to get a job and even better to be aware going in that you are going to be true to yourself.

Enjoy the champagne!

Holden said...

Congratulations Doc. Brilliant news

Jen said...

Congratulations!!! This is wonderful news. xx

ladyguinevere7 said...

Congrats to You!

Jennie

Clementine said...

Dr. MacCool! That's awesome--congratulations on your great job news!

Dawn on MDI said...

kudos to you, doc! Very impressive indeed! If you decide to take a celebratory weekend trip to the coast of Maine, give me a call!

Jessie MacRae said...

Awesome! Congratulations! I'm so jealous, I want to graduate too!

craftyrainbowhead said...

Had to join in and wish you congrats and that you find a comfy angle to view the closure of one phase and the entry into another. As my gran would put it, this is your time to change hats and catch up with your circumstances.

Way to go doc :)

Running away with the Spoon said...

Congratulations Dr McCool. It is a significant milestone that few achieve. You should be very proud.

I wish you the best of luck in your new job. Is it in academia? That's a whole interesting world of its own in the field of work. (I confess my past work life includes HR management in academia - both public and private institutions.) Keep us apprised. And while I understand interviews and "initial periods of hire" can be their own moments of odd hell, there still are things employers can and cannot do, the trick is navigating them while being a charming pain in the ass. Email me if you ever have any employment questions, happy to help.

Sublimefemme said...

Dear Dr. Leo,

My sincere and heartfelt congratulations to you. It's an incredible accomplishment to complete the PhD, and getting a job in academia (esp. in this economy) is no easy task, as I don't need to tell you. So I hope you are giving yourself a well-deserved pat on the back.

And here's a little something to keep in mind in the future. It just so happens that I was lucky enough to be in Esther Newton's company the day I finished my dissertation, and she said something I've always remembered, although that was many years ago: the diss is the hardest thing you'll ever do.

And you know what, she's was right.
So there's no stopping you now!

Congrats again on your graduation,
xo
SF

QueerRose said...

Well done Leo! Great news QRx

ella said...

Congratulations, Doctor. I wandered over here from weldablecookies and have been paying attention for a little while. Very interesting, indeed. I have a suspicion the person who did all that work will understand how life changes direction. After all, she went to grad school, didn't she?

Kyle said...

Excellent work, Leo. You've worked hard for this. It's natural to feel a bit nervous and to even feel sad about leaving this stage of your life behind but you're ready to take on the world in a new way.

congrats, Dr. McCool :-)

Tina-cious.com said...

Yay you! :)

Just be proud of what you've done.

Ya did good, kiddo. :)

Namaste said...

Congrats to you. This is wonderful and inspiring to read. It's good to take a new direction, even if previously unplanned. (Wo)Man makes plans, G-d laughs, right?

Soak it in and enjoy!

Namaste