The way I see things is changing. An easy example: the first time I watched a k.d. lang video I was electrified and terrified. Now I’m just happy, and she looks like an individual, not a vision of what I was scared to become.
My sense of visible gender is shifting. I don’t confidently categorize the people I see: male, female. I get it ‘wrong’ a lot of the time, actually.
But far more visible to me are the men, the soft, gentle, feminine men. The speaker at today’s seminar had elegant hands and bashful eyes; perched on the table, his torso swayed gently as he answered questions. He moved the way I was supposed to. While in the audience, I sat, doubtless, the way he had been taught to, but never quite learned. Then on the bus ride home I noticed a teenager, his blonde hair floppy, large earrings in both ears. I feel a tenderness for them, and a sense of connection, too, as if we’ve bumped up back to back on some great gender/body circle. T. told me recently one such man (I don’t know the right terminology, what a feminine gay guy would call himself...) passed us on the street and looked at me with a similar tenderness. Do you know what I’m talking about here?
that first k.d. lang video: