Thursday, 3 April 2008

I Want a Cigarette...

... in the worst way. I’ve never smoked but these days when I walk past someone who is I feel it, viscerally, like it’s strumming my tendons loose with pleasure, like I’m falling backward into empty, welcoming space. The feeling is strong enough to make me frightened—I’d be addicted from the start, I suspect, and I don’t really want that. I just really, really want a cigarette. What’s up with that, I wonder? She pressured me not to smoke, oddly enough, at the vulnerable teenage stage, though she's always said she finds it sexy. Maybe it's that. Maybe it's just the chemicals.

3 comments:

letsdance said...

Please don't smoke, Leo. I tried it a couple times with a friend at work and ended up addicted for 20 years. I am SOOOOOO glad to be a non-smoker now. (p.s. smoking seems to be a very selfish thing when we know the consequences.)
Jan

Leo MacCool said...

oh, i won't. i've seen some of the devastation it can cause among my relatives, for one thing. i'm quite committed to not smoking, in fact, which is why this feeling strikes me as so strange. (my mom smoked when i was a small child, though not while pregnant for me, so maybe there's something there to explain it.) anyway, no worries, i'm not going to do it!

letsdance said...

Yay, Leo! Try mint hard candies, etc. as a substitute.